


I'm Hating The Memories With You

by jhopefulyoongi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Misunderstandings, Wonwoo has anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 18:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12087270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: "You're just as cute as you were in high school, Cheol-ah."misunderstandings lead to years of hurt





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another installment of "sarah thought of something and couldnt rest until she had written it" whoops

Seungcheol still remembers trying to confess to Jeonghan in the courtyard after school. It was the last week of high school, they would be graduating that Thursday and Seungcheol had figured it was his last chance to say something. He had been harboring his feelings for Jeonghan for almost an entire year at that point. They weren't that close but they were comfortable with one another, Seungcheol was friends with Wonwoo who was friends with Jihoon who was friends with Jeonghan, so they saw each other often enough that it wasn't  _ that _ weird when he asked Jeonghan to meet up with him after class. 

 

Seungcheol was staring down at the stone underneath his shoes, flower petals rolling around them from the wind. Jeonghan had looked at him patiently while pushing his long hair back from his face, Seungcheol’s hair was longer too, hanging awkwardly around his ears, brushing the base of his neck, his mismatched silver earrings reflecting off of the gold sun, having none of the air of elegance and coolness that he thought Jeonghan had around him. 

 

“Jeonghan-ah…” Seungcheol had started. 

 

“Mmm?” Jeonghan hummed, letting him know he had his attention. 

 

Seungcheol gathered all of his bravely and looked up at Jeonghan, his cheeks burning uncomfortably when their gazes met. 

 

“I-”

 

“Jeonghan,” Jihoon said, appearing out of thin air with two of their other friends with him. “Are you coming with us to eat or not?”

 

“I’ll be right there,” Jeonghan told Jihoon, before turning back to Seungcheol. “I’m sorry, Cheol-ah.” He said and Seungcheol felt a pain streak through his heart, only to be soothed when Jeonghan continued to say, “Let’s talk at the party this Friday, okay?” His eyes were gentle in that way Seungcheol had always liked, so it was easy for him to nod, agree, give Jeonghan a pretty smile that Jeonghan returned before saying goodbye and leaving with Jihoon and the others. 

 

Some in their year was holding the party and everyone who had graduated had been invited. Seungcheol had only escaped from his family by telling them that he was going to meet up with Wonwoo and treat his dongsaeng to one last meal. Wonwoo, of course, wasn't there, and Seungcheol hung out in a corner awkwardly, sharing words here and there with some of the other people he had worked on the school newspaper with occasionally. 

 

Jeonghan found him later in the night, and he used his usual amount of magic, getting Seungcheol to have a drink with him, to go sit upstairs in one of the bedrooms with him to talk.

 

They hadn't ended up talking, of course.

 

Jeonghan got them both stripped down within a couple of minutes and had Seungcheol pressed down into the mattress in even less time. Seungcheol was panting, whimpering and moaning into Jeonghan’s mouth. 

 

“Jeonghan,” Seungcheol said, suddenly feeling a sense of desperation to say the words.

 

Jeonghan pulled back from him, humming. “You okay?” 

 

“I really like you,” Seungcheol told him, eyes closing all by themselves, not wanting to see the expression on Jeonghan’s face. A beat of silence, and then Jeonghan was bending down and kissing him gently on the lips. 

 

“You’re so cute, Cheol-ah.” Jeonghan told him, moving down to kiss him on the neck. 

 

Jeonghan pushed him further up the bed and wrapped Seungcheol’s legs around his waist. 

 

…

 

Seungcheol sat up in bed in his dingy little apartment, three years later in the present,  feeling extremely annoyed. Wonwoo looked up from his laptop that rested on the desk pushed up against one of the walls in their shared bedrooms, and looked over at him, noting the expression on his face,

 

“You okay, hyung?” Wonwoo asked him, tapping away at the keyboard once again, already knowing what he must have been dreaming about. 

 

“Annoying bastard,” Seungcheol grumbled, and even though Wonwoo didn't need one, it was a firm confirmation that Seungcheol had had another dream about “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” again. Seungcheol punched his pillow a few times, turned over, and went back to sleep, hoping he wouldn't see that face in his dreams again. 

 

…

 

Seungcheol was extremely unfortunate. The dream started right back up, but this time, it wasn't warm, it wasn't pleasant, he didn't get those memories of butterflies stuck in his stomach. 

 

He had woken up all alone and cold, Jeonghan was gone, no note, no anything, and Seungcheol was forced to relive through crying into the foreign sheets that he didn't know or who they belonged to. He ran all the way to Wonwoo’s house once he was able to get out of the bed. 

 

His hips ached and his body stung, and he almost got ran over a few times because he couldn't see where he was going or walking through his tears, it was only through instinct that he eventually found his way to his friends back gate.  

 

He stood out there pathetically until Wonwoo saw him through the window. They had both been so innocent at the time, Wonwoo had opened the door, hoping for good news from his friend, only to take in the tears and look of heartbreak on his face. 

 

Seungcheol must have been crying or talking in his sleep again because he woke up to someone shaking him.

 

An older Wonwoo, features sharper and defined now, loomed over him with a frown on his face. “It’s okay, hyung,” Wonwoo told him, not having to even be asked. “It was just a memory.” 

 

He said it so lightly, but they both knew just how much memories could hurt.

 

…

 

“Seungcheol-hyung,” Junhui sang, hanging over the couch arm to get to him. “Will you please come with us to a party?”

 

Junhui was Wonwoo’s beautiful and very sweet boyfriend. He didn't go to their school, but one close enough that he and Wonwoo had met in one of many Cafe’s geared towards college students between the two schools that Junhui worked at. 

 

“Why do you want me to be the third wheel?” Seungcheol asked with a smile, setting down his phone. He saw Wonwoo sigh in the background and had to stop his own laughter. 

 

“Wonwoo is feeling anxious” Junhui announced to Seungcheol. “All of my friends are going to be there and I want him to met them, and he’s nervous, so I thought you being there would make him feel better and more relaxed.” 

 

Seungcheol felt a burst of warmth towards Junhui, thought that wasn't uncommon. As Wonwoo was one of the people closest to him, Seungcheol felt protective and wanted the best for him. Junhui was even a thousand times better than the perfect person Seungcheol had imagined for Wonwoo, and he always felt thankful towards him for understanding Wonwoo and his feelings so much. 

 

“It’s fine, Junnie.” Wonwoo tried to insist. ,

 

Junhui ignored him pointedly. “Please, hyung?” Junhui batted his eyelashes at him prettily and even though it was unneeded, it made Seungcheol smile. 

 

“Of course I’ll go,” Seungcheol said and Wonwoo looked ready to protest, going to insist that Seungcheol didn't have to go, but Seungcheol saw how much his shoulders had relaxed and Wonwoo gave him a thankful smile over Junhui’s head when his boyfriend ran back to hug him.

 

… 

 

The three of them walked down the hall to a surprisingly quiet apartment door. It was nothing like the first and last party Seungcheol had attended during his high school years, but it was similar in the way Junhui didn't knock on the door and just let himself right in. 

 

“Junnie,” Someone called, flying towards them in a blur of bright orange and teal. “You made it.”

 

“Soonyoung, I texted you when we were outside,” Junhui giggled but didn't protest as this Soonyoung picked him up off of the ground and twirled him around a few times before putting him back down on the ground. Soonyoung was around Seungcheol’s height and had hair dyed the color of a carrot, and was wearing a garish teal button up that clashed horribly with his hair. He was handsome though and gave both him and Wonwoo bright smiles when he saw them. 

 

Seungcheol smiled back at him, returning his pleasantries, but Wonwoo was opening scowling back at him, eyes narrowing when Soonyoung put a hand on Junhui’s shoulder. 

 

“And you must be Jun’s boyfriend.”

 

“Yes,” Wonwoo said coldly, eyes sharp as they stared Soonyoung down. 

 

Soonyoung laughed nervously and backed up from Junhui quickly, Junhui smiling and intertwining his arm with Wonwoo’s. 

 

“Well,” Soonyoung said, voice an octave higher. “Why don't all of you come in and meet everyone else.”

 

For all of its quiet appearance from the outside, it was all but vibrating within, there were people playing drinking games, a pair shrieking at each other as they played a game of Mario Kart and some people egging them on, and Soonyoung walked them into the kitchen, presumingly where Junhui’s closer friends must have been gathered. Someone had their phone hooked up to some speakers and a boy with blonde hair and a handsome face was passing out drinks to people in the kitchen.  

 

“So you finally made it, only took you twenty extra minutes,” A tall, lean boy with brown hair said to them as soon as they entered the room. 

 

“Minghao,” Junhui said, giving him a sweet smile despite his words. “This is Wonwoo, and his friend Seungcheol.” Wonwoo and Seungcheol exchanged pleasantries with Minghao and everyone else, Minghao struck up a conversation with them while Soonyoung retreated as far away from Wonwoo as he could get with his tail tucked between his legs. Seungcheol was just starting to talk to people and have a bit of a good time when someone appeared in the room that made all of the blood drains right out of his face. 

 

He had changed a lot over the past few years, but that was definitely Lee Jihoon. Wildly, Seungcheol stuck out his hand and pinched Wonwoo in the side to get his attention. 

 

“Wonwoo, are my eyes fooling me? Was my drink spiked? Am I really at home dreaming?” 

 

Wonwoo’s gaze was ice cold as he took in Jihoon’s relaxed figure. “What the hell is he doing here?” Wonwoo and Jihoon had once been friends, but after Seungcheol’s night with Jeonghan, the two of them had gotten into a fight and hadn't spoken a word to one another since. 

“Oh Jihoonie,” Junhui called when he saw the boy walk in, waving him over. Jihoon looked at Junhui, took a step towards him, and then he glanced at the two next to Junhui and his eyebrows shot right up. He made his way through the tightly packed kitchen,

 

“Wonwoo, Seungcheol.” Jihoon said. “Never really expected to see you two again.” 

 

Junhui’s head dipped to the side like a confused kitten. “Do you guys know each other?” 

 

“We went to high school together,” Seungcheol told Junhui, staring down at his feet and wishing Jihoon would just disappear, also just hoping that this really all was just a horribly vivid nightmare. It wasn't Jihoon that he cared all about, it was more about what Jihoon was bound to bring along with him. 

 

“Yeah,” Jihoon told Junhui, expecting the drink Seungkwan handed him as he passed by them. “Wonwoo, Seungcheol hyung, Jeonghan and I.” He said the words while looking at Seungcheol straight on, curious to see his reaction. Seungcheol’s blood ran cold just at hearing his name, he hadn't heard it, spoken it, only through it, for years now. Out of the few times, he and Wonwoo did talk about it, they never said his name. 

 

“Oh, you know Jeonghan hyung too?” Junhui asked them, having not yet sensed the feelings in the air. Usually, Junhui had a talent for that, but the drink in his hand had subdued that ability quite a bit already. It was only after he had asked it and saw the look on Seungcheol’s face that he realized something wasn't right. 

 

“Did someone say my name?” 

 

Yup, he was going to die. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like ??? also kind of a style/genre i dont normally write but ended up doing

Seungcheol and Junhui were soaking their feet in the bathtub, sitting in an uncomfortable silence as Wonwoo poured in ‘essential oils’ and ran hot water.

 

Saying it hadn't gone all that well would have been a bit of an understatement. Junhui and Wonwoo had spent the better part of the night walking and driving around the city looking for Seungcheol when they realized he had left his phone on the kitchen counter. When they eventually found him, sitting on edge of the road a few blocks away from his campus, Wonwoo had gotten out by himself, sat down with him and talked to him while Junhui watched in confusion from the passenger seat. Just as he was about to get out of the car and ask what was wrong, Seungcheol got up, and they both came back into the car.

 

They were both silent, and Junhui was confused.

 

Jeonghan had walked in from the hallway, beer in hand, and had quickly joined the suddenly awkward group as soon as he had heard his name being said. And because Jeonghan was Jeonghan, he immediately picked up on the feelings heavy in the air, looking around at all of them, until his eyes had landed on Seungcheol. Recognition seemed to blossom in his eyes, but before he could get a word in, Seungcheol slipped out of the kitchen from in between Wonwoo and him and disappeared.

 

When they got back to the apartment and took their shoes off, Wonwoo noticed that Seungcheol and Junhui both had blisters on their feet from walking around in their tight shoes for so long, and bustled the two of them into the bathroom so they could let their feet soak before he would treat them. The three of them sat crammed into the tiny bathroom together, and Junhui felt like there was something important he really didn't understand and he didn't like it. 

 

It wasn't just that Seungcheol had left, it had been the anger radiating off of Wonwoo when HE saw Jihoon, the nasty look Wonwoo had given Jeonghan before he went and tried to follow his best friend when he left. He had never mentioned knowing a Jihoon or a Jeonghan to Junhui before, and he knew it had to do something with them but he just didn't get it.

 

Junhui leaned down to roll his jeans up further and looked back up to find the two close friends exchanging looks. Wonwoo looked troubled, and Seungcheol looked tired and ready to cry.

 

“Wonwoo,” Junhui started cautiously.

 

Wonwoo looked at him. “What is it, baby?”

 

“What...was all of that?” Junhui asked.

 

Wonwoo ignored his question and instead asked one of his own. “How long have you been friends with those people?”

 

“Those people?” Junhui repeated, frowning. “You mean Jihoonie and Jeonghan hyung?”

 

Wonwoo scowled and Seungcheol took his feet out of the water.

 

“I’m going to bed,” Seungcheol told them, sounding small and sad, so unlike Junhui was used to hearing him like. Wonwoo looked like he wanted to stop him, but he sat on the edge of the tub and let him go.

 

The couple also sat together in silence for another moment before Wonwoo took off his socks and put his feet in the water too, Junhui noticing that one of his toenails was cracked and bleeding a little.

 

“How long?” Wonwoo asked him again.

 

“A few years now,” Junhui said, frowning. “Since my second semester of freshman year. Why?”

 

Wonwoo was quiet, he gnawed on his bottom lip, something Junhui had never seen him do before. One of his hands moved up and he started pulling lightly on the skin of his bottom lip, also something Junhui had never seen him do. It was weird because the actions seemed natural to Wonwoo.

 

“Seungcheol hyung and I have been best friends since my freshman year of high school,” Wonwoo said. “I got pushed around a lot, and nobody really talked to me. But we were all being pushed to join a club, and I didn't really want to but I had my parents on my back to do it too.” Wonwoo smiled a little. “I went to the club fair, all by myself, and Seungcheol hyung came up to me and asked me if I wanted to work on the school newspaper with him. It was barely staying open, and they really needed new members, he was only a sophomore but they had already made him be the vice president because there was hardly anybody else and the president put him in charge of recruiting new members and because he asked and made it easier for me...I joined. But he was nice to me, didn't really care that I did weird stuff.” Wonwoo flinched a little as if he didn't want to remember. “Anyways, because of Seungcheol hyung, I felt more comfortable at school, even when he wasn't with me, and I eventually was able to open up a bit and talk to some people in my class.” Junhui reached out, and Wonwoo took his hand and held it. “Jihoon and I...we were friends, really good friends, for a long time. But he was friends with Jeonghan, really close, like Seungcheol hyung and I, so whenever we hung out together they would come along too.”

 

Junhui still really didn't get where this was going, but he sat and listened.

 

“At the end of his junior year, Seungcheol hyung told me that he liked Jeonghan. And I…” Wonwoo’s voice broke but he drilled on. “And I spent almost an entire year telling him to confess to Jeonghan, because I was a stupid kid, and in the end, it just led to him getting hurt.”

 

“You weren't stupid,” Junhui said. “You were encouraging your friend.”

 

“Yeah, well, look all the good that did,” Wonwoo said. “Jeonghan _literally_ screwed him and threw him away like he was trash right after, and even after all these years Seungcheol won't date or give anyone else a chance because he’s still all hung up on that bastard.”

 

Before Junhui could say anything or express his shock, Wonwoo stood up and went splashing out of the room. Junhui unplugged the tub and left it to drain while he went into Wonwoo and Seungcheol’s shared bedroom.

 

Wonwoo was laid out on his stomach and appeared to be sleeping, so Junhui was surprised when he looked at the other side of the room and saw Seungcheol sitting up in bed, back against the wall. Their eyes met, and Seungcheol waved him over. Junhui shuffled over and cuddled up to Seungcheol, both of them watching the rise and fall of Wonwoo’s back.

 

“I guess he told you,” Seungcheol said.

 

“Yeah,” Junhui frowned. “Did that stuff really happen?”

 

“Yeah,” Seungcheol breathed. “You can sleep in my bed tonight, I think Wonwoo needs his space right now.”

 

…

 

“How many times do I have to tell you, Junhui?” Jihoon snapped. “I’m not talking about this with you anymore.”

 

“But there has to be a reason _why,”_ Junhui said.

 

“He was a stupid high school boy and stupid high school boys do stupid things,” Jihoon said.

 

“That is such utter and total crap, Hoonie!” Junhui protested. “And no excuse, either. I want the real story.”

 

“You want the real story?” Jihoon asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Fine, then go ask Jeonghan about it, but I’m telling you, you don't want to go and rip open even more wounds.”

 

“Then _you_ tell me,” Junhui said.

 

“For the tenth time, no.”

 

“Why? Doesn't it bother you that you and Jeonghan have such a negative effect on people that you used to be close with? Don’t either of you care that Wonwoo and Seungcheol got hurt? You weren't upset when you and Wonwoo stopped being friends?”

 

“I have to get to class, Jun. Bye.”

 

Junhui let him go, and he didn't end up asking Jeonghan about things either, afraid of what Jihoon had said, worried about hurting someone else by asking too many questions, even though he was almost positive that Jihoon had just said that to him to scare him.

 

…

 

Junhui still saw Jihoon and Jeonghan almost every day, he still walked to their shared Biology class with Jeonghan on Mondays and Wednesdays, he still had tea with Jihoon before their studying sessions in the library. But he was spending more and more time with Wonwoo and Seungcheol. He felt like he was being pulled on either arm by the two groups, though neither of them were doing anything of the sort. After that night, Wonwoo had apologized to him about how he had acted and never said a word when he told him he was with Jihoon or Jeonghan, and Jihoon didn't say anything about the others either, though that was slightly more expected.

 

And Jeonghan? He hadn't said a word about that night. Perhaps he had imagined that look in his eyes, and he really hadn't recognized Seungcheol that night. But it made Junhui think, he had always thought of Jeonghan as a kind person, someone who would not treat anyone like that, one night stand or not, and it just seemed odd to him.

 

But maybe he had simply done what people do best. Change.

 

Maybe he had once been the kind of person who did that, but Junhui would look across the table at lunch at him and try to picture it but he just couldn't. He didn't think Wonwoo was lying to him, but he thought there was...just something, a simple misunderstanding, something that Jihoon wasn't willing to tell him about, though no matter how much he thought about it he couldn't imagine what it could be.

 

Junhui had gotten Wonwoo and Seungcheol to come out and go to Seungcheol’s favorite place for drinks. Not a club or a popular bar in one of the college towns, a little hole in the wall place squished between a day spa and laundromat that made the best chocolate martinis ever and gave every table a giant bowl of twisted pretzels that was a few blocks away from their apartment, even closer to the street edge that they had found Seungcheol sitting on that night.

 

Junhui bought the first round of chocolate martinis and brought them over to their table in the corner. He didn't remember ever telling any of his friends about this tiny bar, so one could have imagined his shock when the door swung open and Jihoon, Jeonghan, and Mingyu all walked in, laughing and talking amongst themselves. Wonwoo and Seungcheol hadn't noticed them, and neither had the three who had just entered, so Junhui watched as Jeonghan went to the bar to order drinks and Jihoon and Mingyu approached the abandoned blue pool table. Junhui was sitting there, trying to think of a way to get Wonwoo and Seungcheol out without anyone crossing each other's paths, when Jeonghan returned to the table, and Mingyu, looking up, made eye contact with him from across the room.

 

“Jun hyung!”

 

Wonwoo stopped talking to Seungcheol and swiveled around in his seat. A lot of things happened then, Mingyu came over and somehow got both him and Wonwoo over to the pool table, handing them each sticks and telling them he would buy them both another martini if they won against him. Junhui blinked, looked around to see where everyone else was, saw Jihoon collecting the balls and resetting them at the center of the table and Jeonghan-Jeonghan was walking across the room, to where Seungcheol sat all by himself.

 

…

 

Seungcheol watched as Jeonghan walked over to him, feeling like he had been frozen into place, his limbs feeling too heavy to move. Jeonghan held his gaze as he took a seat across from him, setting down his own drink besides Wonwoo’s abandoned one.

 

Seungcheol told himself not to look at him, but he couldn't help himself. Jeonghan had changed so much, but he was so very clearly still Jeonghan. He had cut his hair much shorter and bleached it blonde, his shoulders were broader and more filled out, but his eyes were the same, still gentle, kind, always smiling at the same time as his lips, a hint of mischief in them whenever he came up with a silly prank to pull on one of his friends or classmates. Even though it hurt, Seungcheol was glad to see that those eyes hadn't changed over time. Back home, Seungcheol had a notebook full of attempted drawings of them, none of them ever coming close to how extraordinary they were in real life.

 

The ones he sometimes drew in the corners of his class syllabuses had gotten a bit better though.

 

Over Jeonghan’s shoulder, he could see that Jihoon had grabbed the attention of Wonwoo, and was talking to him.

 

"You're just as cute as you were in high school, Cheol-ah."

 

“Jeonghan…” Seungcheol said, trying to sound pleasant but he felt like there was a ball of cotton in his throat. He met eyes with Jeonghan again, and suddenly, the corners of his eyes prickled, tears threatened to spill over, he could no longer see anything in front of him. “I cant do this,” he croaked and flew from the bar as fast as he could, returning home to where it was safe.

 

Or so he thought.

 

A few steps down the street, someone caught him by the arm and spun him around quickly, making him face them. He whimpered and shook his head,

 

“Cheol-ah,” Jeonghan said, and Seungcheol hated it but the nickname falling from Jeonghan’s lips made his heart pick up its pace, made it blossom with so many unwanted feelings, feelings that had never left him no matter how much he tried.

 

“What?” Seungcheol whispered. “What do you want?” He blinked away the tears as best as he could, he wanted to tear himself out of Jeonghan’s arms, he knew he was more than able to do that, he could do it easily, push Jeonghan off and run away, but he didn't, he stood still and waited for an answer.

 

Jeonghan looked at him. “I think I was wrong before,” he said. “I think you’re even cuter now.” He let out a tired laugh and smiled down at him, face apologetic. “There’s been a long time misunderstanding between us, Seungcheol. You misunderstood some things, but mostly it was me, and I’m sorry about that...all those years ago, I never meant to hurt you.” Jeonghan’s hands slid down his arms and to his hands, taking them both in his and holding them. “Please, give me the chance to explain myself to you.”

 

Seungcheol had been wishing for that for so long, he couldn't find it within himself to refuse.

 

…

 

A couple doors down there was an empty cafe, it was closed for the night and dark outside, but there was a forest green bench outside of it, and the two of them sat down on it. They didn't sit close together, a foot or maybe two apart.

 

“You can talk,” Seungcheol said. “I’m not gonna start crying or anything again.”

 

Jeonghan looked at him. “I was building myself up to it.”

 

“Sorry,”

 

“It’s fine.” Jeonghan sighed, and then. “You know, Cheolie, I wasn't very happy in high school.” Seungcheol looked at him, surprised, and Jeonghan smiled back at him. “Okay, I know most people aren't, but I really wasn't. I didn't have a lot of friends, at least ones that were real, ones that liked me for me, and I always had people who wanted something from me.” Jeonghan leaned back against the bench. “Almost every week, there was someone who confessed to me, but they only wanted sex from me. Which is okay, I guess, I didn't really mind, I was figuring stuff out for myself too and I liked sex. That part really wasn't bad, it was more than those people never really wanted to talk to me afterwards, and a lot of the people who hung around me only did it so they would get a chance to sleep with me, I didn't really like that, I would have liked to get to know them more, stay friends if that's all they wanted, but I guess no one really wanted me in that way,  but I was used to it.”

 

Jeonghan reached out and wiped at one Seungcheol’s cheeks. “I thought you weren't going to cry again?” Jeonghan teased.

 

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol croaked.

 

“It’s okay, you’re cute even when you do.”

 

“No, not about that.” Seungcheol sniffled. “About those people, I never knew and -”

 

“It doesn't really bother me anymore,” Jeonghan said. “Really, it doesn't.”

 

Seungcheol nodded his head.

 

“I knew what you wanted to say to me in the courtyard, or, at least, I thought I knew what you wanted. You were pretty, and I liked the idea of fucking you.” Jeonghan admitted, without a hint of shame.“But it kinda made me sad, the thought of you not talking to me afterwards.” Jeonghan licked his lips and his voice cracked when he said, “It made me really sad. So I held off until the end of the week, after graduation, telling myself that if we did it then that when you wouldn't come talk to me afterwards, it was because we didn't see each other every day at school anymore.” Jeonghan paused and blinked rapidly. “When I woke up in the morning, I got up and dressed, leaving before you ever woke up, because I didn't want to be the one being left behind again, out of everyone, I didn't want you to be the one to leave me, _that_ would have been too much.” Jeonghan looked at him, he smiled, his eyes were wet, tears threatening to fall over. “I guess I was wrong to think you were just like everyone else, I hurt you, and I’m really sorry.”

 

Seungcheol didn't know what to say, how to feel. This was what he wanted, right? For Jeonghan to say he was sorry? But it wasn't, not now, not when he knew the truth, that Jeonghan had been hurt that night just as much as he was, maybe even more. Guilt weighed down in his stomach, and a part of him wanted to kiss the pained smile off of Jeonghan’s face, but even more so,

 

“I’m sorry, too,” Seungcheol whispered.

 

“Don't,” Jeonghan said.

 

“You deserved better than that,” Seungcheol choked out what he wanted to tell Jeonghan. “I shoulda-shoulda made my intentions more clear, my feelings and stuff, I’m-”

 

“Stop,” Jeonghan said, placing a finger on Seungcheol’s lips. “You don't have to say that, you didn't do anything wrong.”

 

Seungcheol sniffled. “Neither did you.”

 

“I assumed too much,” Jeonghan said.

 

“So did I,”

 

They two of them tried to glare each other down, but in the end, Jeonghan laughed and looked away, and a smile threatened to curve Seungcheol’s lips, just at the sound of it.

 

“We’re both kind of dumb,” Jeonghan sighed.

 

“Yeah,” Seungcheol agreed.

 

They looked at one another. “Friends?” Jeonghan offered.

 

Jeonghan wanted to be more than friends, maybe, someday, they could be.

 

“Friends.” Seungcheol agreed, taking Jeonghan’s offered hand.

 

Seungcheol wanted to be more than friends, maybe, someday, they could be.

 

Maybe, someday, they could make memories together that didn't hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its marked as only two chapters but I was thinking of writing a third chapter or a whole separate fic for what comes after this? or maybe yall like how it ended just like this? idk, lemme know 
> 
> tumblr: moonsjunhui  
> twitter: moonsjunhuis

**Author's Note:**

> yeshdsh i listened to "I Loved You" a lot while writing this 
> 
> part 2 will be out...um...idk when 
> 
> twitter: moonsjunhuis (I post updates and notes about fics there sometimes)  
> tumblr: moonsjunhui


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